I was recently at a workshop where we were asked to write down one word that inspires us. If you know me, having to write only 1 word is torture. But the word Freedom came up. Have you ever felt what real Freedom feels like? What does Freedom look like to you? To me Freedom means being free to be you! No one else’s version of you but the real you. The person you want to be! Free from judgement, free from whatever is holding you back. Whether it is being afraid of being judged, not being accepted, not meeting others’ expectations or just not being good enough.
Last year, for me, was probably one of the worst in my life. Not because anyone died. Not because of any trauma, but the realisation that although I am blessed with a beautiful family, health, a job I love ( most of I the time), friends, the ability to always see the good & positive in every situation or person- l didn’t know what it felt like to be really free to be me.
As long as I can remember l have been able to adapt to any situation. I can read people very well. But I am afraid of not being accepted. I struggled to accept that in life, despite what I do ( or didn’t do) or how hard I try, not everyone will like me, agree with me or accept me. But I kept trying. In every interaction I ‘ changed ‘ into the person I thought I needed to be to be able to be accepted in that situation. I was really good at that. I held every leadership position in school, l took part in almost every extra mural activity available, I was popular and had many friends but I was never truly happy. I never felt as though l belonged. Even in my own family I felt abnormal, l seriously wondered many times whether l might not really have been switched at birth.
Last year so many things happened that challenged me mentally, threatened my own health, my marriage, my work and my role as a mother. I literally “woke-up”. I saw everything that stopped me from being free. I made the decision to be free. I started setting boundaries, spending time with what and who matters most to me, faced reality and started trying to accept all the many things I can’t change. For me the worst was to stop worrying about other people and their acceptence.
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To grow, you need to be free.
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